Shocked, But Not Surprised

...Been said that death is a part of life. True. Once a friend had died and as we gathered in groups to discuss that, seemed like someone always said the profound, like...."Damn, what a shame! I just saw them last week and they looked just fine!"

Brother Jim had called and left the message that an aquaintance of ours had died. Yes, I was shocked, but hardly surprised. I don't get into this "blog geneology" but I suppose he was my "blog gramps"? He and I did have some things in common...exes. Not the same ones but just having exes, divorcing and living alone in a house too big for us, a kiddo we couldn't see any more, phone calls not returned from "her"...that kinda thing. Added to that, the deafening silence of being ignored by her..the slamming of the door as she left.

I've read most of the words sent his way. Most of those words feel genuine. Those are from the ones that had met the man. In this internet world a huge misconception is that if someone emails you or leaves a comment and an exchange from that ensues, that there is a connection. Anything is possible I suppose. But assumming you know someone from a virtual exchange of viewpoints is not the clearest of thinking.

I only met the guy in person once and that was recently in Austin. I was having breakfast alone and he had woke up late and was looking for the group that had already departed for a while. He joined me at my table, ordered food and neither of us really had an appetite. So we talked a bit. My impression was that he was not the same person that wrote all that stuff on his blog. Denny mentioned that he had played linbacker in school weighing in at 130 lbs..."he played above his weight." Denny was aluding to the fact that he had been a fighter all his life, and the point is well taken by any that did read or had met him.

Well, my impression is that he wrote above his weight as well. In person, what I saw was a quiet man that had something to say. That morning at breakfast he said he had fucked up quite a bit. I told him don't feel like the Lone Ranger. We chuckled at that, both agreeing. The rest was small talk for the most part. But having only had those few words in person between us, we had an interchange of very frank and honest experiences. So for almost an hour we talked about the bloggers and what they wrote...and wimmen...the good and bad of them...but not one word from either of us was a mean one about anyone.

So I think he might have given up. Sometimes the fight is not worth the casualty. You can win, but not get the prize. I'll say this though. He wasn't as acidic as many of the ones he admired and loved.

Comments

[Lewis]

Well done. Best I have read today on A-Man. And I love the comment about writing above his weight. I had thoughts along those lines from time to time. He was an orignal though. And I will miss him although I think he was searching for some kind of peace.

[zonker]

He was very different in person than he was on his blog. It's funny how many people only saw the one side and failed to realize just how complex Rob could be. In spite of the times that he pissed me off, I'm very glad that I met Rob. He'll be missed.

[Bou]

I agree. He was not like his blog at all. But I had been told in advance not to expect an acidic personality, as I was nervous about meeting him. In person he was as it was described to me that he would be... quiet, unassuming, smart and well spoken.

I obviously never spoke to him about exes or wimmin *grin*, but he was a real pleasure to converse with in Austin. I had so much hope for he and his son.

[Lisa W.]

Great post, I agree with Lewis re: the "writing above his weight" comment. I do have to say that I disagree, however, with:
"Those are from the ones that had met the man. In this internet world a huge misconception is that if someone emails you or leaves a comment and an exchange from that ensues, that there is a connection."

-I'm married to the guy I made a "connection" with 11 years ago; we definitely had a connection long before meeting face to face. Although I never had the opportunity to meet Rob, communication through emails, comments, etc can form a connection. The subsequent depth of that connection and the meaning of it is definitely subjective and may vary between the involved people for sure, but I know it can and does happen.
Do I think I know every facet of the man?
-Absolutely not.
Do I think anyone really does?
-Probably not.
Did I feel a connection with him?
-You're goddamn right I did.

[De]

That was perfect, Marcus.

[Jim - PRS]

On the money, Marcus. In person he was more of a gentleman than I can ever hope to be.

[Eric]

... he was a one-of-a-kind.... and a very gentle man....

[KeesKennis]

Gentle Man and Gentleman are two vastly different concepts.

Rob was when we emailed or in comments a Gentle Man.

Maybe you also found him to be Gentleman.

I never knew that.

"Yeah. Have fun, ya bastid! Just because I'm old, skinny, balding, decrepit, falling apart and... and... what was I gonna say???... oh YEAH--- SENILE, too, doesn't mean that you should pick on me."
is not Gentlemanly but sure as shit it is gentle.

[GUYK]

Thanks Marcus.

[Nancy F.]

Nicely phrased Marcus. I agree, he was nicer than he allowed himself to admit.

[Libby]

Well said Marcus and a nice tribute. But I also have to take exception with the idea that you can't have a connection with someone simply through the internets. That's as far as mine went with Rob but I genuinely feel the loss nonetheless. I can't say that I "knew" him, but our connection was real and was developing into a friendship.

But it's all moot now. All I know is he left too soon and I miss him.

[marcus]

"I was speaking only in generalities about the "connection". But what I say is true, even though it may not apply to your situation. You just may be one of the lucky ones!"
It is a blanket statement,that's all! There is enough information out there in print form psychologists and therapists to verify my comment.
Nothing was said here to impune anyone's "relationship" with anyone else. If you think that, then you've missed the point of what I had to say about someone I met.