Father's Day is this Sunday, the 18th. But that's really according to Hallmark Cards and every other retailer in America. And that's what it's really all about. Money, for the retailers. If Mother's Day is the busiest day for restaurants each year, Father's Day balances that crap out!
What is it accomplishing when you buy "dad" something for "his day?" Not a damn thing for him really. The money is probably coming from his wallet. Or the charge will be put on his card. Or he''ll be dragged off some where he really doesn't want to be. And the winner is: the retailer.
Now....I'm quite sure that some where, someone is genuine of heart and really wants to give "dad" a gift from their heart..one that can truly express just how much the ol' boy is appreciated. There's allot said about how narrow a man's thinking is: Eat. Sleep. Fuck. Then why the fuck doesn't he get what he wants? Give dad what he really wants!
Wives, girlfriends, ex-wives, ex-girlfriends...On Father's Day this year, give your man/ex-man, what he really wants! Give him a blow-job! Don't make him take you to dinner first! Don't make him wait until your goddam nails are dry! Blow the man now! It's his fucking day! YOU got your candy, diamonds, flowers, dinner, etc., on your day! Just take 10 minutes and and give a gift he will remember way longer than that fucking pair of cufflinks he'll never use. Don't give him what you want him to have...for gawds-sake...give him what he wants!
Children...still at home... Give the old bastard a card you made, the goofier the better! Draw something stupid....like him as a stick figure with a big bald head and a fat gut...color it and go waaaay out of the lines! Then go to your fucking room or go outside and let him take a 4 hour nap!...with the goddam TV on!
Grown children....Get off your fat lazy ass and mow the fucking yard for your old man! Wash his goddam car...get the oil changed for him (but leave the tire pressure the fuck alone!). Do not buy him a hammer or any tools, he has all of them already. DO something for him! Think about it...he paid for your lame ass college degree...you should be able to come up with something Einstein!
Okay...OK....so you live out of town away from "dad". You can't do anything for him. So...you just have to buy him something...and it has to be mailed. Get him something cool, dammit!
Buy him:
a knife...an expensive one.
a bottle of booze, wine, Port.
a cigar.
an engraved money clip...with a 20$ bill already in it.
a fishing lure.
I won't be getting any of those things this year, the ones bought, or made, or done for me or to me. But I hope there are dads that do get what they want this year!
I'll get the phone calls and just maybe cards later in the week if at all.
Posted by: confabulator | June 16, 2006 at 04:27 PM
Beautiful, Marcus...
Posted by: That 1 Guy | June 18, 2006 at 09:26 AM
I had my wife read this post and she asked me if I wanted a BJ for fathers day. When I answered, she suggested I take up yoga.
Posted by: snappy | June 18, 2006 at 11:11 PM